Keith again. So you’ve decided to stick around, huh? Either you love reading about people’s downfalls, or you just happen to be a bit curious. Well, let’s dig right into my struggles.
So like I said I was depressed. I didn’t know what to do with my life, and everything was out of my control. My friends tried to help me up, my old teammates. It just reminded me more of what I’d lost due to the accident.
They were the types who liked to party. I’d never been in that scene, I’d been too busy studying and training. All of a sudden I just resented that, resented my dad. I worked so hard for him, did what he wanted, and now I’d lost baseball and him all in one go.
I walked with a huge limp and should have used a cane but was too proud. In my moment of anger at my dad, I drank for the first time. Just a beer, but I chugged it. That mixed with the pain meds I was on gave me a buzz within minutes. I didn’t mind the feeling or the taste, so I chugged another.
This was the beginning of my alcohol addiction.
Yeah, I moved from my baseball addiction to alcohol addiction. That’s a heavy word to throw at you so let me break it down a bit.
That night I drank beer until my head swam and passed out on my friends’ couch. The hangover the next morning was enough to swear me off of alcohol, but I didn’t understand my own anger at my dad.
He’d always been straight edge, him and my mom. They didn’t drink even on holidays. I knew all the physical issues that alcohol could cause, but I didn’t care. How could I care when my body was already destroyed and my mind on its way?
I was taking classes at the community college to appease my mother and partying on weekends with my old friends. None of them were worried about it. To college kids honestly, alcohol is a normal rite of passage. I didn’t overdo it at first not in a way that anyone noticed.
Keg stands weren’t my thing, and neither were shots or beer pong. No, I chugged my beer and moved on to the next too fast for people to realize, at least until I realized liquor existed.
My first shot of whiskey had me sputtering like a busted exhaust. Everyone laughed as my throat burned like I’d swallowed fire. The pain was attractive to me at the moment and so was the almost immediate lightheadedness.
Alcohol is so accepted everywhere, it is kind of our culture these days. Everyone drinks and getting drunk regularly is seen as fine as long as you can get to work and get everything done. This is toxic, and part of what lead to my problems. Though of course there’s no one else to blame but myself.